Grab Bag and Assorted Items

Medal of Honor

The award is not called the Congressional Medal of Honor. Contrary to popular belief, the official title of the highest U.S. military distinction is simply the Medal of Honor, not the Congressional Medal of Honor. The confusion may have arisen because the president presents the award “in the name of Congress.” There is also a Congressional Medal of Honor Society, which represents recipients of the Medal of Honor, maintains their records and organizes reunion events, among other responsibilities.


EVERYTHING I NEEDED TO KNOW IN LIFE I LEARNED AS A DUSTOFF PILOT IN VIETNAM

1. Once you are in the fight, it is way too late to wonder if this is a good idea. .
2. It is a fact that helicopter tail rotors are instinctively drawn toward trees, stumps, rocks, etc. While it may be possible to ward off this natural event some of the time, it cannot, despite the best efforts of the crew, always be prevented. It's just what they do. .
3. NEVER get into a fight without more ammunition than the other guy.
4. The engine RPM and the rotor RPM must BOTH be kept in the GREEN. Failure to heed this commandment can affect the morale of the crew.
5. Cover your Buddy, so he can be around to cover for you.
6. Decisions made by someone above you in the chain-of-command will seldom be in your best interest.
7. The terms Protective Armor and Helicopter are mutually exclusive.
8. Sometimes, being good and lucky is still is not enough.
9. "Chicken Plates" are not something you order in a restaurant. (Armored vests worn by flight crews).
10. If everything is as clear as a bell, and everything is going exactly as planned, you're about to be surprised.
11. Loud, sudden noises in a helicopter WILL get your undivided attention.
12. The BSR (Bang Stare Red) Theory states that the louder the sudden bang in the helicopter, the quicker your eyes will be drawn to the gauges. The longer you stare at the gauges the less time it takes them to move from green to red .
13. No matter what you do, 'the bullet with your name on it' will get you. So, too, can the ones addressed "To Whom It May Concern".
14. If the rear echelon troops are really happy, the front line troops probably do not have what they need.
15. If you are wearing body armor, the bullets will probably miss that part.
16. Happiness is a belt-fed weapon.
17. Having all your body parts intact and functioning at the end of the day is a + and beats the alternative.
18. If you are allergic to lead, it is best to avoid a war zone.
19. It is a bad thing to run out of airspeed, altitude, and ideas all at the same time.
20. Hot garrison chow is better than hot C-rations which, in turn, is better than cold C-rations which, in turn, is better than no food at all. All of These, however, are preferable to cold rice balls, even if they do have the little pieces of fish in them.
21. Everybody's a hero...On the ground...In the club...After the fourth drink.
22. A free fire zone has nothing to do with economics.
23. The further you fly into the mountains, the louder the strange engine noises become.
24. Medals are OK, but having your body and all your friends in one piece at the end of the day is better.
25. Being shot hurts and it can ruin your whole day.
26. "Pucker Factor" is the formal name of the equation that states the more hairy the situation is, the more of the seat cushion will be sucked up your ass . It can be expressed in its mathematical formula of S (suction) + H (height above ground ) + I (interest in staying alive) + T ( # of tracers coming your way)
27.Thus the term 'SHIT!' can also be used to denote a situation where high Pucker Factor is being encountered.
28. Thousands of Vietnam Veterans earned medals for bravery every day. A few were even awarded.
29. Running out of pedal, fore or aft cyclic, or collective are all bad ideas. Any combination of these can be deadly.
30. There is only one rule in war: When you win, you get to make up the rules.
31. C-4 can make a dull day fun.
32 . There is no such thing as a fair fight - only ones where you win or lose.
33. If you win the battle you are entitled to the spoils. If you lose you don't care.
34. Nobody cares what you did yesterday or what you are going to do tomorrow. What is important is what you are doing - NOW - to solve our problem.
35. Always make sure someone has a P-38. Uh, that's a can opener for those of you who aren't military.
36. Prayer may not help...but it can't hurt.
37. Flying is better than walking. Walking is better than running. Running is better than crawling. All of these, however, are better than extraction by Medevac, even if it is technically, a form of flying.
38. Do not fear the enemy, for your enemy can only take your life. It is far better that you fear the media, for they will steal your HONOR.
39. A grunt is the true reason for the existence of the helicopter. Every helicopter flying in Vietnam had one real purpose: To help the grunt. It is unfortunate that many helicopters never had the opportunity to fulfill their one true mission in life, simply because someone forgot this fact.
40. IF EVERYONE DOES NOT COME HOME, NONE OF THE REST OF US CAN EVER FULLY COME HOME EITHER!!!

IF YOU HAVE NOT BEEN THERE AND DONE THAT, YOU PROBABLY WILL NOT UNDERSTAND A LOT OF THESE


ORIGIN OF THE WORD 'AVIATOR'

This explains it all. As aviators, we come from a long line of a secret society, formed around one thousand years ago. We are warriors, and here is the proof! Ground pounders can read it and weep!

A little known fact is the origin of the word, "Aviator." In the immortal words of Johnny Carson: "I didn't know that Phu Khen (pronounced Foo Ken) 1169-? is considered by some to be the most under-recognized military officers in history. Many have never heard of his contributions to modern military warfare. The mission of this secret society is to bring honor to the name of Phu Khen.

A 'Khen' was a subordinate to a 'Khan' (pronounced 'konn') in the military structure of the Mongol hordes. Khan is Turkish for leader. Most know of the great Genghis Khan, but little has been written of his chain of command

Khen is also of Turkish origin. Although there is not a word in English that adequately conveys the meaning. Roughly translated, it means, "One who will do the impossible, while appearing unprepared and complaining constantly.

Phu Khen was one of ten Khens that headed the divisions, or groups of hordes, as they were known, of the Mongol Army serving under Genghis Khan. His abilities came to light during the Mongols' raids on the Turkistan city of Bohicaroo. Bohicans were fierce warriors and the city was well fortified. The entire city was protected by huge walls and the hordes were at a standoff with the Bohicans. Bohicaroo was well-stocked and it would be difficult to wait them out. Genghis Khan assembled his Khens and ordered each of them to develop a plan for penetrating the defenses of Bohicaroo.

Operation Achieve Victory (AV) was born. All 10 divisions of Khens submitted their plan. After reviewing AV plans 1 thru 7 and finding them all unworkable or ridiculous, Genghis Khan was understandably upset. It was with much perspiration that Phu Khen submitted his idea, which came to be known as AV 8. Upon seeing AV 8, Genghis was convinced this was the perfect plan and gave his immediate approval. The plan was beautifully simple. Phu Khen would arm his hordes to the teeth, load them into catapults, and hurl them over the wall. The losses were expected to be high, but hey, hordes were cheap! Those that survived the flight would engage the enemy in combat. Those that did not? Well, surely their flailing bodies would cause some damage.

The plan worked and the Bohicans were defeated. From that day on, whenever the Mongol Army encountered an insurmountable enemy, Genghis Khan would give the order, "Send some of Phu Khen's AV 8-ers." This is believed, though not by anyone outside our secret society, to be the true origin of the word Aviator (AV 8-er).

Phu Khen's AV 8-ers were understandably an unruly mob, not likely to be socially acceptable. Many were heavy drinkers and insomniacs. But when nothing else would do, you could always count on an AV 8-er. A Phu Khen Aviator. Denied, perhaps rightfully so, his place in history, Phu Khen has been, nonetheless, immortalized in prose.

Consider it an honor to be a Phu Khen Aviator. Wear the mantle proudly, but speak of it cautiously. It is not always popular to be one of us. You hear mystical references, often hushed whispers, to 'those Phu Khen Aviators.' Do not let these things bother you. As with any secret society, we go largely misunderstood, prohibited by our apathy from explaining ourselves.

You are expected to always live down to the reputation of the Phu Khen Aviator...a reputation cultivated for centuries, undaunted by scorn or ridicule, unhindered by progress. So drink up, be crude, sleep late, and get the job done.

When others are offended, you can revel in the knowledge that YOU are a PHU KHEN AVIATOR!


Military Friends


CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Get upset if you're too busy to talk to them for a week.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Are glad to see you after years, and will happily carry on the same conversation you were having last time you met.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. And Mrs.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Call your parents "Mom and Dad".

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...we screwed up...but man, that was fun!"

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Cry with you.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Keep your stuff so long they forget it's yours.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from you.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds' ass that left you behind.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Would knock on your door.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, "I'm home!"

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Are for a while.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Are for life.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Have shared a few experiences...
MILITARY FRIENDS: Have shared a lifetime of experiences no Civilian could ever dream of...

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will talk crap to the person who talks crap about you.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will knock them the hell out for using your name in vain.


THE LAST CHECKRIDE

I hope there's a place way up in the sky,
where old flyers can go on the day they die.
A place where a guy can buy a cold beer,
for a friend and a comrade, whose memory is dear.

A place where no doctor or lawyer can tread,
nor an FAA type would 'ere be caught dead.
Just a quaint little place, kind of dark, full of smoke,
where they like to sing loud, and love a good joke.

The kind of a place where a lady could go,
and feel safe and protected by the men she would know.
There must be a place where old flyers go,
when their flying is finished, and their airspeed gets low.

Where the whiskey is old, and the women are young,
and songs about flying and dying are sung.
Where you'd see all the fellows who'd flown west before,
and they'd call out your name, as you came through the door.

Who would buy you a drink, if your thirst should be bad,
and relate to others, "He was quite a good lad".

And then through the mist, you'd spot an old guy,
you had not seen in years, though he taught you to fly.
He'd nod his old head, and grin ear to ear,
And say, "Welcome, my son, I'm pleased that you're here.

For this is the place where the true flyers come,
when their journey is over, and their war has been won.

They've come here at last to be safe and alone,
from the government clerk, and the management clone,
Politicians and lawyers, the Feds and the noise,
where all hours are happy, and they're all good ole' boys.

You can relax with a cold one,
maybe deal from a deck, this is heaven my son.....
You've passed your last check!"

Author Unknown



The Vietnam Helo Reunion site guys completed a short video as a tribute to our fallen comrades (less than 5Mb). Click HERE to download this video.


DUST-OFF

Bandaid 26 calling Dust-off 47.
Bandaid 26 this is Dust-off 47.

Dust-off, Dust-off where you be?
Flying tree-top high coming to thee
You need to hurry I got wounded and dead
We are in a Hot LZ

Bandaid 26 about 3 ETA pick your favor of smoke
Popping yellow please hurry now
I see your smoke approaching from the West
Get them ready I am coming in

These are my men please get them out
Out of supplies but not out of hope
Bandaid I brought a friend
Cobra's his name he'll provide the cover

Load them up were moving out
There's not enough room, there's 12
Just get them on and I'll fly away
Come on Doc get your ass on

Flying low and slow we start our assent
Leaving the hot LZ
No man left behind
Mission of mercy accomplished once again

Dust-off 47 just nods at Bandaid 26
Doc nods back and mouths the words Thanks
He is forever thankful his men are safe and will be treated
They arrive at Dong Tam at the 3rd Surg

Another call is received
Dust-Off 47 where you be?
On another mission to rescue thee
Off again he flies away
Just another day in Paradise

Copyright April 23, 2005 Kerry "Doc" Pardue


"WELCOME HOME!"

 

It’s a Journey toward Healing

And bringing Closure to some

An Outlet for some Grieving

Maybe an End that’s finally come.

 

A short ride back into the Past

That shows the Future out ahead

A release of all those Emotions

Which were held inside, instead.

 

Some Reunions of old Comrades

And keeping Promises once made

Meeting the Families of Buddies

Learning some Memories won’t fade.

 

A Tribute to all the Heroes

Who flew those Hueys in and out

And the Medics who rendered Aid

Showing what Bravery is all about. 

 

An Education for some People

And to Teach a new Generation

To always Have and Show Respect

For all who Serve our Nation.

 

A "Welcome Home!" for all those Vets

And, "Thank you for your Sacrifice."
Our Country made this mistake once

Let’s make sure we don’t do it twice.

 

When we send our own into Harm’s Way

We must never again lose Sight

That they Wage the Battle in our name

Whether it be Wrong or Right.

 

"IN THE SHADOW OF THE BLADE"

Is a must for All of Us to See

A lesson for, "We, the People."

In this, "Land of the Free."

 

Del "Abe" Jones

02-22-2005


Phil Kadow, an Aussie digger was in VN and wrote this "Thank You" when he got wounded and dusted off to the 36th Evac in Vung Tau, VN

DUSTOFF

THE crews were always ready
And constantly on call
To come out and do a pick up
From where the enemy had let our blokes fall

SOMETIMES they came with Gunships
With their weapons at the ready
To keep the enemy’s heads down
While they held their choppers steady

THEY would come into the LZ
Whether it was hot or cold
To pick up their human cargoes
They were really very bold

AND once the blokes were loaded
Both the wounded and the dead
They would fly them back to “Vungers”
To the Morgue or to a bed

IT was really quite a miracle
To hear the thumping sound
Of the friendly “Dustoff” chopper
When you’re lying on the ground

IT was like a door would open
To allow you to be whisked away
From the constant heat of battle
Hopefully to fight again another day

THEY were the unsung Heroes
Of this our Jungle War
And without their undying courage
We surely would have lost more

SO to our brave young Heroes
I’d like to put all things aside
Then remember my own “Dustoff”
And say thank you for the ride


Copyright © 2001 Phil Kadow.


Reasons   DUSTOFF helicopters are easier   to have around than women:
 

  •   DUSTOFF helicopters usually kill you quickly, a woman takes her time.
  • DUSTOFF helicopters can be turned on by a flick of the switch.

  • DUSTOFF helicopters don't get mad if you do a "touch and go".

  • DUSTOFF helicopters don't object to a preflight inspection.

  • DUSTOFF helicopters come with a manual to explain their operation.

  • DUSTOFF helicopters have strict weight and balance limitations.

  • DUSTOFF helicopters can be flown at any time of the month.

  • DUSTOFF helicopters don't come with in-laws.

  • DUSTOFF helicopters don't care about how many DUSTOFF helicopters
     you've flown before.

  • DUSTOFF helicopters and pilot both arrive at the same time.

  • DUSTOFF helicopters don't mind if you look at other DUSTOFF helicopter.

  • DUSTOFF helicopters don't mind if you buy airplane magazines.

  • DUSTOFF helicopters expect to be tied down.

  • DUSTOFF helicopters don't comment on your piloting skills.


However, they both have one thing in common -   when either one of them gets quiet, it's definitely not good.


THIS IS DUSTOFF…THIS IS WHAT WE DO.

DUSTOFF is the slow chug of engine run up and the roar of two to fly.
DUSTOFF is brown out landings and sand in your eyes.
DUSTOFF is the smell of hot blood and trying to stop it.
DUSTOFF is hot spots from your helmet, ripped flight gloves, sweat soaked flight suits and dried blood stains.
DUSTOFF is changing NVG batteries, twice in a shift.
DUSTOFF is steep approaches in tiny areas.
DUSTOFF is pumped up ground crews relieved that you are there.
DUSTOFF is hot refuel, twice before you shut down.
DUSTOFF is nosed over helicopters in 30-minute limits.
DUSTOFF is telling the pilots, “ sir, you gotta get me there, now!”
DUSTOFF is a trauma team waiting on the helipad.
DUSTOFF is empty oxygen bottles and a torn through aid bag.
DUSTOFF is no days off.
DUSTOFF is “request present position departure for urgent 9-line”
DUSTOFF is running to the aircraft.
DUSTOFF is “ all traffic hold your position,” so we can come through.
DUSTOFF is soldiers going home who otherwise would not have.
DUSTOFF is all four crewmembers communicating a confined landing.
DUSTOFF is around the clock maintenance.
DUSTOFF is a plate of food left, for an urgent mission.
DUSTOFF is giving the someone a chance for tomorrow.
DUSTOFF is not about medals, money or fame.
DUSTOFF is about outsmarting death.
DUSTOFF is not pretty; it is not for the timid.
DUSTOFF is a thumbs up from the patient.
DUSTOFF is the 3 a.m. mission half asleep.
DUSTOFF is flying with a cup of coffee.
DUSTOFF is a neon sign: “always open”.
DUSTOFF is being on scene before the patient arrives.
DUSTOFF is being told, “that soldier is gonna make it.”
DUSTOFF is taking off at sunset and not landing until sunrise.
DUSTOFF is buzzing the palace and tower fly-bys.
DUSTOFF is losing a patient, and saddling back up for the next one.
DUSTOFF is drinking hot water and having hunger pains.
DUSTOFF is a spades game that is never finished.
DUSTOFF is six go-arounds before safely landing.
DUSTOFF is doing our best, even when we don’t feel like it.
DUSTOFF is a five-minute response time.
DUSTOFF is three aircraft all on urgent missions.
DUSTOFF is always being ready.
DUSTOFF is never saying no.
DUSTOFF is 82 patients in 24 hours.
DUSTOFF is 4,000 patients in six months.

Written by: Jason Bierman

159th Medical Company (Air Ambulance)

Baghdad, Iraq

September 2003


THE SWEETEST SOUND

By Ernie Smiling Hawk

 

 

Not songs of choice nor lover’s voice will ever compare

To the sweet sound of rotor blades as they beat though thick humid air.

 

I Am a Viet Nam vet I served in the Infantry

The word Grunt refers to men like me.

 

I have seen war at its worst and men at their best

Sadly, I’ve wrapped brothers in ponchos and sent them to final rest.

 

Now many years later as I lie here in bed

The visions come back to race through my head.

 

The scars on my body will forever remain

As I touch them, once again I feel the pain.

 

Once again I find myself on the ground

With blood, my blood, all around.

 

As I lay there in unconscionable pain and fear

Came the sweet sound of rotor blades as my Dust-Off drew near.

 

When at long last I reach my final day

I will look back on my life and say

I’ve heard beautiful songs of choice and the sweetness in my lover’s voice,

And yet these cannot compare.

 

To the sweet, sweet sound of rotor blades

As they beat through thick humid air.


Medevac Angel Song

This song was recorded by a 173rd Airborne SkySoldier while on tour in Vietnam over 35 years ago in appreciation for air ambulance crews. It was sent to us by James R. Bradley. Click HERE to download and listen to this file (2.1Mb).


DUSTOFF PRAYER
Penned by Chaplain Connie Walker

Kind and Merciful Heavenly Father,

Thank You for "calling" and "sending" DUSTOFF Teams on missions of mercy, under the most hostile conditions, in a deeply Dedicated and Unhesitating Service To Our Fighting Forces of all ages and ranks.

Lord, history has us standing on the shoulders of the faithful and courageous DUSTOFF Teams who have gone before. Bless them forever. We follow their stalwart leadership steps. Lord, may each of us hear afresh Your summons, "Follow Me".

Heroic cries like "When I have your wounded..." captivate and ring in our ears, hearts and prayers, even today as we fly on missions of mercy to Lift for Life and Hope.

Heavenly Father, we trust in Your saving and sustaining Grace, now and forever.

In the Name of our Great God, Redeemer and Holy Spirit. Amen!


DUSTOFF

Wheeeeeeeee…..WOP…….WOP……WOP….WOP..WOP..WOP.WOP.WOP

My blood runs cold, in our Huey’s door,
Is this trip my last, will there be one more?
I ask me why, I wanted to fly,
Take needless risk, to save one more guy?
A wounded troop, on our way to save,
With just two rifles, the VC to stave.

WOP.WOP.WOP.WOP.WOP.WOP

Tree top flight, but not very slow,
Don’t want to see, a gun muzzle’s glow.
Flak vest bunker, pockets stuffed with clips,
Won’t do much, if a straight shot hits.
“We’ve drawn no fire”, for just eight minutes,
The woods “secure”? There’s VC in it.

WOP.WOP.WOP.WOP.WOP.WOP

With LZ “secure”, from Viet Cong fire,
Yellow smoke, the signal they fired.
No smoke was seen, the trees were too dense,
We hovered above; it grew more intense.
“Go ‘round again, some trees we will blow”,
Soon hummed the hoist, their patient in tow.

WOP.WOP.WOP.WOP.WOP.WOP

D Company bash, was lots of free cheer,
Mission call came, the Medic’s fifth beer.
“Fly for me Doc, it’s just a milk run.
I’m way too bombed, it’s sure to be fun.”
To fly as a Medic, a new one to me,
With five wounded troops, one more a VC.

WOP.WOP.WOP.WOP.WOP.WOP

The radio squawked, 1st Cav has been hit,
They had one more, we just had to fit.
Must be bad, the chopper was full,
The extra man’s weight, might be too much to pull.
“Uplift” in sight, hoped we’d be there in time,
The word that we got, he’d stepped on a mine.

WOP.WOP.WOP.WOP.WOP.WOP

Our pilots were best, with life on the line,
They’d kick up no dust, could land on a dime.
His buddies long faced, stood there with their friend,
Making real sure, his life would not end.
They picked up his litter, and slid it in place,
His hand in a stranger’s, a smile on his face.

WOP.WOP.WOP.WOP.WOP.WOP

The VC was quiet, a knife at his head,
The mood very still, all stared at the bed.
Morphine had worked, he showed little pain,
The Huey lift off, was flat like a plane.
“My feet hurt Doc”, of stumps, the troop said,
“You’re on your way home, to a clean linen bed.”

WOP.WOP.WOP.WOP.WOP.WOP

Each mission back then, had settled a thirst,
To be more involved, with the 101st,
But thirty trips plus, my life on the line,
A legacy left, comes back time to time.
When heard overhead, the WOP.WOP.WOP.WOP,
The chills soon return, a rush I can’t stop.

WOP.WOP.WOP.WOP.wop..wop...wop….wop………..

Al Walton , October 2002, formerly, Captain "Al" Walton (John A.) DC USAR


DUSTOFF

They come in fast and furious Sliding in over the top of a tree A better sight on all this earth Believe me, you'll never see

Dropping into a hot LZ Taken' fire from the ground Scoop up their cargo and lift off Dust and bullets flyin' all around

Hovering over triple canopy Dropping a penetrator device Or lowering down on swampy field Where locals grow their rice

These guys must have nerves of steel As they do this dangerous chore Pulling wounded out of harm's way In this god forsaken war

The crews of these DUSTOFF birds Are the cream of America's crop They're the best of the best anywhere Their courage you cannot top

They don't carry bombs or rockets They don't have time to fight They have to carry their special cargo On their speedy, life saving flight

I've seen them after landing And delivering the wounded men Cleaning the blood and gore from the bird Then ready to go again

For the action these men went through They paid a terrible price Each time they lifted off the pad Was like a throwing of the dice

Many men were lost in that war As crews of the Medevac But I would venture, if you ask Most would volunteer to go back

They never got the recognition they deserve For their courage, which they are due So, for the pilots and crews of DUSTOFFs I wrote these words for you.

Thanks... and Welcome home

Stan H


A Grandson's Poem

When you're wounded, and you need care
Hope that you see a Medevac Helicopter in the air.
That's my Grandpa in the air.
If he sees you, never fear
You've got a Medevac Pilot here.
He will land in the most dangerous places.
My Grandpa was shot down to the ground
But he made it out safe and sound.
His body was attacked by malaria
and he was very sick
and He himself had to be
Medevaced home in a quick.
he was able to survive
and go back to war again.
He may have even rescued some of your kin.
He received the Distinguished Flying Cross
For his Valor in the Vietnam War
But he doesn't talk about it anymore.
I'm proud of my Grandpa for what he did
I am so lucky to be his Grandkid.

Robert Fulton, Nov 199
Son of Major Lawrence V. Fulton
Grandson of Col. (Ret) Chester E. Duncan

Brave Hearts

It is the soldier, not the reporter, who has given us freedom of the press.
It is the soldier, not the poet, who has given us freedom of speech.
It is the soldier, not the campus organizer, who has given us the freedom to demonstrate.
It is the soldier, who salutes the flag, who serves beneath the flag, and whose coffin is draped by the flag, who allows the protester to burn the flag.


starfish poem.gif (32929 bytes)

Contributed by Mike Schuster


Signs That You Are Too Drunk
And Not Ready For First Up

  • You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
  • You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling   off the earth.
  • Job interfering with your drinking.
  • Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol   stream.
  • Career won't progress beyond Senator from   Massachusetts.
  • The back of your head keeps getting hit by the   toilet seat.
  • Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food   group.
  • 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case -   coincidence?? - I think not!
  • Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a   drinking problem!
  • You can focus better with one eye closed.
  • The parking lot seems to have moved while you were   in the bar.
  • You fall off the floor...
  • Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
  • Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger,   screw dinner!
  • Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you
  • At AA meeting you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."
  • Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
  • You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the   bathroom, you fell asleep clothed.
  • The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in
  • Every night you're beginning to find your roommate's   cat more and more attractive.
  • Roseanne looks good.
  • Don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of   glass.
  • Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when   they walk past you.
  • You wake up in Korea in August and the last thing   you remember is the 4th of July party at the Halekulani in Waikiki.
  • The shrubbery's drunk too from frequent watering.

The following submitted by Armond "Si" Simmons:
Whenever a brand new medic was assigned to the FLATIRON crew (when we were flying the old H-34s) it was standard procedure, prior to takeoff, to instruct the new medic that if he needed to talk to the pilots sitting way up in the cockpit, to push that funnel thing (attached to the rubber microphone hose) up to your face and yell. Of course any fixed wing crewmember would have known it was really a RELIEF TUBE!!


almost died - 8 K


Stewardesses is the longest word (12 letters) that can be typed using only the left hand.


 highflight - 20 K


Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted   by pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews. "Squawks" are problem   listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews.

Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs   replacement." Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."

Problem: "Test flight OK, except auto land very   rough." Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."

Problem #1: "#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid."   Solution #1: "#2 Propeller seepage normal." Problem #2: "#1, #3, and #4   propellers lack normal seepage."

Problem: "The autopilot doesn't." Signed off: "IT   DOES NOW."

Problem: "Something loose in cockpit." Solution:   "Something tightened in cockpit."

Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main   landing gear." Solution: "Evidence removed."

Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud." Solution:   "Volume set to more believable level."

Problem: "Dead bugs on windshield." Solution: "Live   bugs on order."

Problem: "Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a   200 fpm descent." Solution: "Cannot reproduce problem on ground."

Problem: "IFF inoperative." Solution: "IFF   inoperative in OFF mode."

Problem: "Friction locks cause throttle levers to   stick." Solution: "That's what they're there for."

Problem: "Number three engine missing." Solution:   "Engine found on right wing after brief search."



Air Medal

Established on May 11, 1942. The Air Medal is     awarded to any member of the Armed Forces of the United States who,     subsequent to September 8, 1939, shall have distinguished himself by     meritorious achievement while participating in aerial flight. It was given     for combat or non-combat action, and conferred in recognition of single acts     of heroism or merit for operational activities against an armed enemy.     Additionally, it is given for meritorious services, or for sustained     distinction in the performance of duties involving regular and frequent     participation in aerial flight.

YOU MIGHT BE A DUST OFF CREW MEMBER IF......

  • You think potted meat on saltines is an hors d'oeuvre.
  • You consider a six pack and a bug zapper quality entertainment.
  • Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her mouth when she tells the State Trooper to kiss her ass.
  • You've ever bar-b-qued spam on a grill.
  • The primary color of your car is "Bondo".
  • The rear tires of your car are twice as wide as the front.
  • Your wife or mother has ever been in a fist fight at a high school sports event.
  • You have a rag for a gas cap.
  • You have ever used a weed whacker indoors.
  • You think Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
  • You think beef jerky and moon pies are two major food groups.
  • You had a toothpick in your mouth when your wedding picture was taken.
  • Your family tree does not fork.
  • You have ever lost a tooth opening a beer bottle.
  • The crack in your windshield is longer than your arm and has been there longer than a year.
  • Your passenger side window is a hefty bag.
  • Your watchband is wider than any book you ever read.
  • You view duct tape as a long term investment.

 courage - 12 K



Distinguished Flying Cross

Authorized on July 2, 1926, and amended January 8,     1938. the Distinguished Flying Cross is awarded to any officer and enlisted     member of the United States Armed Forces who shall distinguish themselves by     heroism in an aerial flight, subsequent to November 11, 1918. The first     award was made to Capt. Charles A. Lindbergh for his solo flight across the     Atlantic. Order recipients include Commander Richard E. Byrd, for his     historic flight over the North Pole, and aviatrix Amelia Earhart.